To kick things off, I’d like to share a bit about my own journey. As a first-time mum to an adorable 8-month-old boy, I was determined from the start to follow my instincts: to understand his cues, hold him when he needed, and help him sleep on his schedule. I can still hear my mum and sister cautioned me with things like, “Aya, he won’t learn to sleep on his own if you keep this up” and “Aya, you’re setting yourself up for challenges later on.” Like many first-time mothers, I brushed aside these comments—I craved those precious cuddles and believed he’d eventually figure out how to settle himself to sleep. After all, how hard could it be?
However, after 2-3 months of this approach, I found myself physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. Living in London without nearby family support made the situation even tougher. With my husband leaving for work at 6 AM and not returning until 6 PM, I felt completely overwhelmed. I was hesitant to try the cry-it-out method, yet wasn’t sure what other options were available. When I reached out to my sister, a mother of two, she recommended several books and introduced me to a friend of hers. This friend, a sleep trainer, guided me in exploring different sleep training strategies, and I became intrigued. Motivated by this newfound knowledge, I decided to study sleep training further, get certified, and support other mums in similar situations.
Through my research, I discovered that not all sleep training falls under the cry-it-out methodology. This experience opened my eyes to various misconceptions about sleep training, which I’d like to clarify. Below, I’ve outlined 8 common myths surrounding sleep training.
Myth 1: Sleep training weaken the parent-child bond
Many parents, myself included, have encountered misconceptions about sleep training. One of the most pervasive myths is that sleep training is detrimental to a child’s emotional well-being or parent-child attachment. However, research from the American Academy of Paediatrics contradicts this belief. Studies show that sleep training can significantly improve sleep quality without leading to increased stress or long-term negative effects on emotional health or attachment.
In one study involving 43 infants, parents maintained detailed sleep diaries, and researchers measured stress levels using salivary cortisol samples. Importantly, follow-ups conducted a year after sleep training revealed no significant differences in attachment between children who underwent sleep training and those who did not. This research highlights that the benefits of sleep training can be achieved without compromising the child’s emotional development or the bond with their parents.
For those interested in understanding the long-term effects of sleep training, a comprehensive study titled “Five-Year Follow-Up of Harms and Benefits of Behavioural Infant Sleep Intervention” provides valuable insights. This randomized trial involved 326 children, out of which 173 received the intervention. The study focused on various aspects, including:
1. Child mental health, sleep quality, and psychosocial functioning: Researchers evaluated whether sleep training affected children’s mental health and their ability to regulate stress over time.
2. Child-parent relationship: The trial looked into whether behavioural sleep interventions had any long-term impact on the bond between parent and child.
3. Maternal mental health and parenting styles: The study also assessed the effects on mothers’ mental health and whether their parenting styles were influenced by sleep training.
The findings revealed no significant differences between the intervention group and the control group across all assessed outcomes. This evidence suggests that behavioural sleep interventions are both safe and effective. Parents can confidently utilise these techniques to alleviate the short-to-medium term challenges of infant sleep issues and associated maternal depression, without fearing adverse long-term effects on their children or their relationship with them.
Myth 2: Sleep Training Harms Infants and Elevates Cortisol Levels to an All-Time High
Cortisol is a vital hormone that plays a crucial role in regulating sleep-wake cycles, metabolism, and the immune system. It follows a daily rhythm, peaking in the morning to help us wake up and making its way down by the evening to facilitate sleep as melatonin takes over. When infants cry, whether from hunger, discomfort, fatigue, illness, or other causes, their cortisol levels might rise temporarily, which is a normal physiological response. The human body is well-equipped to handle temporary spikes in cortisol as part of its natural stress response.
Parents frequently worry about sleep training because of concerns about elevated cortisol levels. However, a baby’s cortisol levels naturally vary throughout the day in response to different stimuli like tiredness, hunger, discomfort, and boredom.
Supporting research indicates that sleep training does not have a long-term impact on a baby’s cortisol levels. The BBC conducted a study on controlled crying and found that while there might be a temporary increase in cortisol, levels normalize as the infant adjusts to new sleep patterns. No long-term emotional or behavioural harm was observed.
Further research suggests ‘Gradisar et al. (2016) measured cortisol the morning after and Cook et al. (2012) the week after but neither reported higher stress levels in affected infants.’
Additionally, there are no clinical findings suggesting that sleep training causes chronic stress or emotional damage.
Sleep deprivation is bad for mum and baby
On the contrary, chronic sleep deprivation poses a risk of elevated cortisol levels over an extended period. For example, if a baby is unable to nap and stays awake all day, this could lead to a persistent increase in cortisol. The baby might struggle to regulate cortisol, resulting in irritability, difficulty in settling down, and long-term sleep issues.
For instance, this report ‘Do responsive sleep interventions impact mental health in mother/infant dyads compared to extinction interventions? A pilot study’ suggests that “sleep fragmentation is consequential for mothers, with reported sleep loss, stress and exhaustion. Maternal depression is a well-documented outcome of infant sleep disturbance… Infants with sleep disturbance cry more overnight, and maternal depression is strongly related to infant crying.” Further this study suggests “detrimental child outcomes arising from problematic infant sleep include deficits in cognitive, emotional and behavioural functioning, but potentially, also detrimental effects on the mother’s perception of the relationship with their infant. This may reflect a disproportionate negative bias from parents around sleep disturbance in their infants and should alert health professionals to the level of stress this may cause to new parents”.
Myth 3: Sleeping too much during the day will keep your baby up at night OR sleeping too little during the night will get your baby to sleep all night
Regardless of how you interpret this statement, the outcome remains the same. Some parents worry that allowing their baby to sleep too much during the day will lead to nighttime wakefulness, so they believe limiting naps will encourage sleeping through the night. This belief is misguided and can result in more frequent night wakings, not fewer.
Why does this happen? Cutting down on sleep can lead to overtiredness in your baby. To put things into perspective, newborns require a lot of sleep, with their wake windows being as short as 45 minutes. Up to 6-7 months of age, babies thrive on 2 to 2½-hour wake windows, and by around 7 months, they can only manage about 3 hours of awake time.
What will cause your baby to be awake at night is overtiredness. When a baby becomes overtired, they miss the optimal window for sleep and enter a state of heightened alertness or hyperactivity. Ensuring your baby gets the right amount of sleep during the day can significantly reduce the chances of nighttime disruptions.
This is crucial because research indicates that insufficient sleep-in children is linked to various negative outcomes, including cardiometabolic risk factors, a higher likelihood of developing ADHD, and lower cognitive performance. Additionally, inadequate sleep is associated with poor emotional regulation, diminished academic achievement, and a reduced quality of life. Prioritizing healthy sleep habits is essential for your baby’s overall well-being and development.
So, common rule is –> an overtired baby will be harder to settle at night. Please prioritise naps!
Myth 4: You cannot sleep train if you share a room with your baby
This is a misconception. It is generally not recommended to co-sleep with your baby in the same bed, as this practice significantly increases the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), including the possibility of rolling over and accidentally suffocating your baby. However, room-sharing with your baby while sleep training is indeed doable. It is recommended to share a room with your baby until they are six months old, a guideline that has recently been extended to one year of age.
One potential drawback of sharing a room with your baby as they get older is that they may become more aware and develop a strong dependence on you to fall asleep. For older babies, there are solutions to address this issue, such as placing a divider between you and your baby or positioning them in a corner where they cannot see you.
Eventually, it’s advisable to move your baby to their own bedroom, as it provides the optimal environment for creating a restful sleep sanctuary. However, if this isn’t an option, you can still manage to create a separate space for them within your shared room.
Myth 5: Babies know their body best and will naturally dictate their own sleep schedule
I must admit, when I first gave birth to my son, I believed that if he was tired, he would naturally fall asleep. It seemed logical to me; after all, that’s how it works for adults, and we know babies need plenty of sleep, so it stands to reason they’d sleep when they needed to. However, this isn’t true for babies—they don’t naturally know what’s best for themselves. Mother Nature doesn’t provide them with an instruction manual.
It’s the parents’ or caregivers’ responsibility to guide their baby’s sleep development. Without this guidance, babies can experience disrupted sleep cycles, elevated cortisol levels, and erratic energy levels, among other issues. As a parent, you’ll learn to recognize your baby’s sleep cues, but establishing a consistent schedule can help prevent overtiredness and make things feel much more manageable.
Myth 6: Sleeping is an innate ability that cannot be learned or taught.
We all experience sleep in cycles, meaning we naturally wake up multiple times during the night. These awakenings are usually brief, and most of us fall back asleep without much thought. For babies, this process can be influenced by whether or not they have been taught to sleep independently.
When a baby has been taught to sleep on their own, they can oftentimes soothe themselves back to sleep during these nighttime awakenings, without needing outside assistance from parents or caregivers. This self-soothing ability is important because it helps the baby manage and transition through their sleep cycles more effectively.
Ultimately, when a baby can sleep independently, both the child and the parents tend to enjoy more restful nights. The baby’s ability to quickly settle back into sleep can lead to less disruption and better sleep quality for the entire household.
Myth 7: Babies are not meant to sleep through the night
When engaging in sleep training, it’s important to understand that if your baby requires a feed at night, sleep training isn’t about denying that necessity. Instead, the focus is on integrating the feeding into your overall plan and teaching your baby how to fall back asleep independently afterward.
Sleep training is not about forcing babies to sleep through the night without waking up. In fact, expecting them to sleep straight through without any awakenings is simply unrealistic. Babies naturally go through sleep cycles just like adults, and brief awakenings are part of that process.
The key to successful sleep training is ensuring that your baby feels secure and is able to soothe themselves back to sleep when it’s appropriate. For babies who don’t need a night feed, this often means giving them the chance to practice self-soothing skills.
Having consolidated sleep is beneficial for their health and overall development. Achieving longer stretches of sleep contributes to better rest for both the baby and the parents. This balance of addressing needs and teaching self-soothing is essential for healthy sleep routines.
Myth 8: Breastfed babies cannot be sleep trained
Sleep training is independent of how your baby is fed, whether it’s by bottle or breastfeeding. The approach I use focuses on developing personalized plans that organize the timing and method of feeding. Offering a bottle for the last feed of the day can be particularly beneficial, as it allows you to measure the exact amount consumed. However, even if a mother decides to exclusively breastfeed, babies can absolutely be trained to sleep independently.
My advice
Feel free to challenge the advice that others, even those with good intentions, may offer you. Consider whether it’s solid fact or just personal opinion. To get more information about sleep training, book a 15 minute free discovery call with me.
